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How To Lose Muscle Fast in Five Easy Steps

Thursday, January 27, 2011 9:23 AM
1. First and foremost, move to France.
There are no good gyms in France, protein cans come with a mortgage application, and nourishing breakfasts can get you 20 years in solitary confinement. No wonder French men have a morning breath than can peel off paint, and are well known to be argumentative cowards (sure signs of poor breakfast nutrition). Al Qaeda recently destroyed in a terrorist attack 52% of France’s military response ability- they burned down their white flag factory. No wonder France’s best personal trainers end up taking jobs in Belgium, Saudi Arabia, Canada etc..
 
2. Play video games with the console over you crotch, and keep your cell phone on hip 24/7.
For more castration effect make sure your cell phone is loaded with useless apps such as the one who estimates the gestation periods of the Vietnamese Yellow tail Woolly Monkey. The more apps, the better the castration effect.
 
3. Follow the dietary advice given in Men’s Health.
As hockey legend Al MacInnis once pointed out: the meat content suggested in it would not even floss teeth.
 
4.Do circus looking resistance trains that “trains the core”.
The best example being supine one dumbbell press on the Swiss Ball. Make sure to superset with planks.
 
5.Do as much volume of long slow distance aerobic work as possible.
A added benefit is you will reach senility much faster.
 
 
Why should I care if I lose muscle?  Is it that big a deal?
Some people think that building and maintaining muscle mass is all about ego and vanity.  For some it may be, and I’m not in favor of building “muscle at all costs.”  That too is self-defeating as it relates to health.

Just consider the following quotes from well respected journals.
In The Journal of Nutrition in 1997, Irwin Rosenberg stated that “no decline with age is as dramatic or potentially more significant than the decline in lean body mass.”

In 2001, JAMA, in an article entitled “Sarcopenia—Understanding the Dynamics of Aging Muscle,” the authors stated the “sarcopenia is the backdrop against which the drama of disease is play out: a body already depleted of protein because of aging is less able to withstand the protein catabolism that comes with acute illness or inadequate protein intake.”
Muscle mass is used by the body during acute illness for survival.  Some conditions like cancer, congestive heart failure, AIDS, and other infectious diseases lead to cachexia, the wasting away of muscle mass and a greatly increased risk of death.  Building muscle is about much more than big biceps!

Copyright ©2011 Charles Poliquin

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